Reality Check
by GiLaw
Summary: Papyrus has been fanboying WAY too much over Mettaton lately and it's time for Sans to tell him how it is . . . with a few jokes of course. Not for Papyton shippers, but read it if you dare.


**Reality Check**

Papyrus leaned forwards in his seat, tilting his bony head and scratched his chin as he carefully read over his draft. "Hmm." He gritted his teeth before settling back and waggling his fingers to continue with his message.

"Perhaps one glorious day," he grinned as he typed down his words. "I can be on your cooking show and show all the monsters out there how to make a perfect spaghetti! After all, nothing beats the cooking skills of I, the Great Papyrus!" He chuckled to himself then leaned forwards again to go back on what he had just written before adding in a few more words. "Unless if those cooking skills are yours . . ."

Nodding to himself, Papyrus grinned again and looked up, trying to think of more inspiration for his e-mail before he leaned forwards to type again. "How do you like your noodles? Thick or stringy? Long or short? Hard or soft? I do recommend them al dente, you will find that they have quite a cru-"

 _Knock, knock._

Papyrus hunched up his shoulders, letting out a yelp as he did so. His fingers landed on the wrong keys, causing unwanted letters to appear on the screen in the message.

"SANS, YOU INTERRUPTED ME! I'M DOING SOMETHING IMPORTANT!"

"Don't you wanna know who's there?" Papyrus could just sense that mischievous grin outside his bedroom door and gritted his teeth at the thought of it.

"Of course I know who's there!" he shouted, rolling his eye sockets, if skeletons could even do that and tutted as he tapped hastily on the backspace key to get rid of those unprofessional typos.

"You sure?"

"Indeed I am!"

"Okay . . ."

There was a moment of silence, allowing Papyrus to exhale a sigh of relief. Now where was he in his email? Oh yes, he was about to ask the preference of how to insert the noodles into the pot . . .

"Oh look, there's someone coming in."

Papyrus immediately straightened in his seat. An intruder? How . . .?

"Who's there?"

"Etch."

Papyrus narrowed his eye sockets, not sure how to respond. But there was something about Sans's tone that just didn't sound right . . . "Etch who . . .?"

"Bless you."

The tall skeleton smacked his fists down on his keyboard, causing more illegible letters to appear on the screen. "SANS, THAT'S NOT EVEN A PROPER KNOCK KNOCK JOKE!"

"But it's still funny, eh?" his brother chuckled from outside.

Trying not to smirk, Papyrus scoffed and stomped over to his bedroom door and swung it open to glare down at his brother who simply looked back up at him with casual eye sockets that were both innocent and mischievous at the same time.

"Hey bro."

Papyrus growled, though he could feel his mouth trembling upwards and quickly whipped around and luckily Sans was short enough so his bright orange cape didn't smother him in the face.

"Well then . . . bye bro."

"Hmph."

Sans just shrugged at being ignored and went to close Papyrus's door when he suddenly noticed Papyrus marching back over to his computer and flopping back down to return to his precious email.

"Are you serious?"

Papyrus was too focused on slowly erasing letter after letter to notice Sans's comment or see him wander into his bedroom which was something neither of them thought he would do but hey, when Sans was curious, he liked to explore.

"Are you seriously writing him another letter?" Sans pulled a face.

"Why of course!" Papyrus swung around in his chair and stood up straight in a confident heroic pose, hands on hips, chest puffed out, chin raised towards the ceiling. "It only makes sense that I, the Great Papyrus should receive attention from such an amazing, charismatic, popular man!"

"You think Mettaton's a man?"

Papyrus flicked a glance down at Sans who was giving him a look of disapproval. "Of course I do, Sans! Only a man would have such confidence to show themselves like that on the stage! Why . . ." He stiffened and muttered in a warning tone. "You don't think he's a WOMAN, do you?"

"Nah, I think he's just a robot." Sans's face slowly shifted back into that mischievous joking smirk, the one that Papyrus always hated. He quickly spun around to return to deleting the remaining letters that he had inserted in the first place when he nearly smacked the keyboard.

Sans stuffed his hands in his pockets and looked up, having to admit that he was pretty fascinated by this. "What is with you and Mettaton anyway?" His smirk grew wider as he thought of a joke. "Is it that every time you see him, you get a bo-"

 _ **"SANS!"**_

Papyrus's screech was so loud that Sans couldn't help but snort and chuckle. Ahh, setting off his brother every time, it was always so entertaining.

"Seriously though, you have been watching WAY too much of him lately."

"And what exactly is wrong with that?" Papyrus demanded, not even looking at him anymore as he finally signed off his letter and went to check over it one last time.

"Like every time I come back from work, you're watching his stupid quiz show or whatever," Sans muttered.

Papyrus simply pressed down on the send button, a little too proud for his brother's liking. "You simply don't understand the beauty of the quiz show, my dear brother! I think you'll find it to be highly educational! I never realized how many words you could make with the letters A,B,C,D. CAB, BAD, DAB . . ."

"You need help."

"Why would I need help, seeking the attention of Mettaton, the finest man to have ever been created?"

Sans sighed, not sure whether to feel amused or pitiful. "You seriously . . ." His eye sockets fell upon all the pink boxes and tubes and figures of sexy robots on Papyrus's beside table. "You use that many brands?"

"MTT brands are THE best brands, thank you very much!" Papyrus snapped, standing from his computer and marching over to the table to wonder which product he should apply for his training session tonight.

"They're the ONLY brands down here."

Papyrus tutted but somehow managed to keep a smile on his face. "Well, my brother, I imagine that they would surely beat the human brands if we had them down here."

"And remember last week before your bedtime story? I came in and you were-"

 _ **"SANS!"**_ Papyrus stiffened, tints of pink coming to his white bony cheeks. "I told you, we do not discuss such events! I was simply expressing my passion . . . my _feelings_ towards him!"

Sans sighed again, glancing behind him. Again, he couldn't help but smirk at his brother's stu- innocence. The poor fellow really didn't know, did he? Sans shut his eye sockets for a moment, shaking his head. It was time for his brother to receive a reality check.

"I wonder what will happen once I'm on Mettaton's show," Papyrus was rambling more to himself than to Sans. "I imagine the ratings will spike, that's for sure! Everyone will be creating the perfect plate of spaghetti, all thanks to me! Mettaton and I will make the greatest duo!"

"Uhh . . . Papyrus?"

"Sans, don't interrupt my monologue!"

Sans simply gave Papyrus a smile, a slightly more serious one, but still a smile. "You do realize that Mettaton probably doesn't have time for your letters, right?"

"Of course he does! Anyone would have time to read such an honorable message from I, the Great Papyrus!"

"But, uh . . ." Sans chuckled quietly to himself before continuing. "He has a lot of shows on."

Papyrus dropped his hands, cocking his head a little, finally listening.

"And, uh . . ." Sans bent his head, taking a step forwards. "He probably receives a lot of emails and letters. So many that yours probably get overrun by the time he gets to read them."

"Oh . . ." Papyrus's face was slowly dropping, his strong figure weakening a little.

"Yeah," Sans mumbled in a pitiful tone as he took another comforting step towards his brother. "He probably has a lot of fans down here . . . Perhaps some come to see him, I don't know."

"Hmm." Papyrus moaned, looking down at his feet, even when Sans took another step towards him.

"I mean, do you know how many fans Mettaton probably has?"

Papyrus moaned again, heaving his shoulders up into a forced shrugged. "Oh, I don't know." He blinked, then blinked again, then courageously straightened, inhaling loudly through his nose hole before somehow mustering a positive smile. "Still, that's why I send plenty of emails a day, so that I know that one day, eventually, Mettaton will see it and discover just how great I am!"

 _'Oh my God . . .'_

"Yeah, but . . . do you know how many fans he has?" Sans was trying not to smirk.

"No . . ." Papyrus suddenly narrowed his eye sockets and looked down at his brother. "Why . . . do YOU know?"

"No, not really. But I guess you could say he's-" San's grin grew wider. **"Met a ton."**

 _ **"SAAAA-"**_

* * *

Mettaton was sitting cross-legged of course in a pink fluffy armchair, admiring his face in a mirror when suddenly his cell phone bleeped beside him.

"Hm?"

He puckered his lips as he picked up his phone and dramatically swiped his finger across the screen to unlock it. On the screen it read:

 _"New Email from: The Great Papyrus."_

"Ugh . . ." Mettaton scoffed, his face immediately dropping. Tutting, he immediately moved the email to his "Junk" section for the fifty fourth time that day and then snapped his gloved fingers in the air.

"Alphys, darling!"

Alphys immediately shuffled in and glanced up at her own creation. "Yeah?"

"How do you . . .?" Mettaton lowered his phone towards her so she could see his junk mail section, all with names under The Great Papyrus.

"Oh, did he-?"

"Yes."

Alphys nodded, tightening her lips. "So do you want to-?"

"Yes please, darling."

Mettaton handed his cell phone to Alphys and sat back into his armchair with perfect posture while Alphys raised his phone and proceeded to block Papyrus's email address.

 **Aaaaaand there you go!**

 **I apologize to all the Papyton shippers I may have triggered but I warned you in the description! ;P**

 **Seriously though, I do not get this ship. And that's saying a lot, it's normally very easy for me to ship a pairing, but this is one I will never understand. No, I am not homophobic, there are actually a few gay couples I ship, this just isn't one of them.**

 **Anyway, I hope most of you enjoyed the story! :D**


End file.
